


and I want it, I want my life so bad

by eternias_zone



Series: Purity [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bow is mostly mentioned, Emotional Sex, F/F, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, I literally cant write expositions or smut god bless, Magic Strap-Ons, Part of Series, Recovery, Sexual Content, Smut, Thanks, The Unwarranted Smut Sequel Nobody Asked For, Top Adora (She-Ra), also READ THE BEGINNING NOTE, also random hc but bow and catra have a brother/sister relationship okay, by like three months, bye I hate tagging um, could be read alone but its best you read the other part for context, italics make a comeback period, maybe its best it stays that way, oh and, time skip, you have no idea how much I wanted to say that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:08:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27465448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternias_zone/pseuds/eternias_zone
Summary: "Fuck, Adora." Catra runs a hand up Adora's thigh and dips a finger underneath her underwear's waistline. "You look amazing like this. I've been waiting to have you like this for so long."
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: Purity [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2008069
Comments: 1
Kudos: 211





	and I want it, I want my life so bad

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Elastic Heart by Sia.
> 
> (There was no reason for this sequel. I just wanted closure.)
> 
> content warnings for mild implied harassment, mentions of trauma, ptsd, and referral/discussions of rape/rape trauma. none of the discussions are graphic it's only slightly implied here was opposed to the first part. I felt like these didn't need warning tags, but I could be wrong. like I said, there's absolutely no detail provided of it, just the slight implications.

It's been about 3 months, and things are starting to look up for Catra again.

She's woken up to nightmares about _it_ multiple times, and each time she woke crying and flailing, Adora would be there to comfort her. To soothe her anxiety. To help the scream always caught in her throat loosen into a croaky purr.

Adora would console her, tell her _"you're safe"_ and _"it's going to be okay."_ And after some time, Catra learned to refuse to believe otherwise.

Catra also slowly learned how to open up.

She and Adora both knew that neither of them are skilled when it comes to things like emotions and trauma (two words Catra has begun to hear associated with her more ever since she joined the Rebellion), and Adora suggested that she should talk to someone more professional.

It took weeks before Catra eventually opened about what happened to her to Perfuma.

She couldn't bring herself to cry when she did.

Perfuma had begun to help her from time to time, from things like guided meditation to therapeutic sessions, where she'd give Catra time to talk about everything— how she feels, how she thinks, even more of her traumatic experiences.

_She's still a work in progress._

* * *

Bright Moon was hosting another ball for all Etherian kingdoms.

They still had the pending work of spreading magic across the universe, but as of now, they're working on forming recovery alliances with the heavily affected, big or small.

Catra has just finally gotten away from Bow, who has been following her around all afternoon, desperately insisting to do her hair because " _it's so curly and soft and it's getting long again."_ Frankly, Catra hasn't really been bothered with styling her hair, but that could be because it reminds her of things she'd rather _not_ think about _(the boy isn't fully aware of the extent of her 'conditioning' while being chipped, and for his sake and to see that innocent gleam in his eyes that Catra can't help but appreciate, she decided not to say anything)._ It's grown a fair amount though, slightly past her chin, which is impressive, considering how it's only been a little less than a year since it was cut.

She grumbles, tugging at her white suit, ignoring the stupid white flower Bow somehow got in her hair. She doesn't like the color white— it's way too prone to getting stained easily.

She also hasn't seen Adora all afternoon. Last she saw of her was when Glimmer came and snatched her away, a grin on her face that was way too wide for Catra's comfort.

She finally makes her way back to their bedroom and throws the door open, praying for a moment of silence—

_"Catra?"_

The feline blinks her eyes to see Adora standing in front of their mirror, and she swears that her girlfriend is _glowing_.

She quickly looks her up and down.

Adora's hair is down, a matching white flower in it, she wears an _interestingly short_ white dress with a sheer neckline, and white flats because even she knows _God forbids Adora wearing heels._

She can't help but notice how perfectly fitted the top part of the dress is on Adora, down to the _delicate line of cleavage—_

"Catra?" Adora repeats, an edge to her voice. _Shit._

"Sorry," Catra stutters out. "I-It's just— _Wow_. You look... really good." _Talk about distracted._

Adora flusters as she glances at Catra's ball outfit. "I-I could say the same."

"Hm, yeah?"

Both girls flush red and bite their lips, unsure with what to say next.

_God, Catra can't get enough of how Adora looks. Her pale skin radiates against the pristine white fabric, but all she wants to know is how it feels against her palm, how her pale skin would feel against her tan thighs, maybe even how it—_

"Sorry." Adora scratches her head. "The dress is really short, isn't it? I don't know why Glimmer picked it out, I think it may be a distraction..."

_Glimmer picked it out, huh?_

Catra notes to herself to thank the queen later.

"No, no," Catra murmurs, walking up to Adora. She wraps her arms around the blonde's waist, leaning toward her ear. "It's _good_."

"Oh?" Adora perks up, her skin turning rosy. Catra can feel her girlfriend's heartbeat turn erratic. "Should I keep it on then?"

"Yeah, don't take it off yet," Catra purrs, pressing a gentle kiss against Adora's jawline. She can feel the heat rush to the blonde's face. _God, she loves teasing her._

"We have a ball to attend first, remember?"

"O-Oh," Adora stammers. Suddenly, she grins and takes Catra's hand, turning to the feline's ear.

"Guess I'll wait until afterwards," she murmurs, her voice soft and heavy. Catra's blood runs hot.

Adora backs away and flashes an innocent smile, pulling her girlfriend out of the room by her hand.

_This is going to be a long evening._

* * *

Catra wants to leave.

She has nothing against the constant balls and celebrations— had she swallowed her pride, she may even say she _enjoys them._

This one, however, has left her completely on edge.

When she's not being shunned by royalty, she's being followed around by those who _"admire her feisty spirit."_ She's unsheathed her claws one too many times tonight.

The unwarranted advances don't bother her all too much, but whenever some sleazy prince she's never even heard of tries to court her, her eyes search the room for Adora.

_Not that she needs Adora's help with them, but she can't help but check on her girlfriend every other moment to make sure she's okay herself._

That aside, she's also been uncomfortable and glued to her seat the whole evening, and Glimmer has to keep asking if Catra's sure she's fine. And each time, she asks the queen to go get her a drink to avoid talking to her.

She laments that these balls have become moot.

But what really fueled her desire to leave was the amount of clones roaming in the room. Apparently, they've been dispatched all across Etheria, and why so many people decided to bring them into the ballroom tonight was outside of her understanding. She doesn't care why, though.

She eyes every last one of them, her heart racing each time some wander a bit too close, and she shrinks into her seat. Her blood starts to turn icy the longer she watches them, and at this point, she's dying to find a way out.

 _Recovery isn't always a linear path,_ Perfuma would say. _You'll have good days, and you'll have not-so-good days along the line too. What's important is that you learn to accept and move forward. You may fall into old habits from time to time, but you should never beat yourself up for it; what's important is that you acknowledge the process you've made and keep going. It's easier said than done, but I know you can do it, Catra. I believe in you._

Catra bites her over lip and stares at her reflection in her glass. She watches the bronze-colored ripples, and she...

And she smiles.

_Yeah._

_I can do it._

_I've made progress._

_I—_

"Stop smiling at your cup like that, you look like a horny drunk."

Catra's head shoots up to see Glimmer holding another glass in her hand.

"Fuck you," Catra snarls back.

"Pussy."

"Bitch."

"Whatever. Just stop sulking around." Glimmer sticks her tongue out at Catra and hands her the cup before heading into the crowd, and Catra can't help but laugh.

* * *

Catra's not sure when she made it back to her room.

Her legs give up on her and she collapses onto the ground, unable to blink back tears any longer. _Fuck._

_She failed._

Just when she started to feel good about herself, she fucking spiraled.

Her vision hazed over long ago, starting from when a clone ungraciously grabbed her shoulder, to when she tripped over her feet in surprise, and looked up to see the clone looming over her.

_Fuck._

She can't even begin to ponder on how she embarrassed herself before she started crying, her croaky sobs filling the room. She tugs at her suit jacket sleeves, the white color becoming unbearable, but god, she doesn't want to tear it, and her reluctance only makes her tears sting her face even more—

"Catra? Are you in there?"

_Fuck._

Of course Adora would notice she left.

"I'm coming in..."

Catra stumbles over her own feet to at least look somewhat presentable, but it's too late, as she sees Adora already peering through the door. One glance at Catra's reddened, tear-streaked face, her clawed-at clothes, and her ruffled hair is all Adora needs to see before it clicks.

"Oh, Catra," she whispers, running over to her girlfriend to console her. She wraps her arms around Catra, loose enough for the feline to escape in case she doesn't want to be hugged at the moment. That concern turns futile when Catra clings onto Adora, sobbing into her shoulder. "It's okay."

"I thought I could do it," Catra cries. "I thought that— that I-I wouldn't freak out tonight, b-but—"

"It's not your fault baby," Adora murmurs into her hair. "You panicked, that's okay. It's normal."

"I wish it wasn't," Catra responds, her voice quiet as she plays with Adora's hair to keep her grounded. "I wish I wouldn't have to be reminded of it all the fucking time, please..."

"I know, baby. You didn't deserve any of it, it was... _horrible_. Nobody deserves what you went through." Adora holds her girlfriend tighter. "I'm not leaving you, okay? I'll stay here with you tonight."

"B-But, the ball—"

"There's always other times to talk with everyone out there. Right now, you're my priority. Okay?"

Catra takes in a shuddering breath, her body finally going lax. "Okay."

"Good. I love you."

Catra's eyes gleam at that statement, and she lifts her head to lock eyes with Adora. Her pale skin glistening, her dopey smile—

"Can... Can I kiss you?" Adora whispers.

Catra doesn't bother to say yes before they lock lips.

It's deep and passionate, Catra's back pressing up against the bedside as she mutes Adora's sighs with her lips. It lasts for a moment before they split for air.

"I've been waiting to do that all night," Adora groans. Catra smiles and rolls her eyes before leaning back in, catching Adora's bottom lip with her teeth, and the blonde moans. A pulse forming low in her stomach, Catra finds a way to guide her tongue into Adora's mouth, relishing in the distinct taste of alcohol. God, it's intoxicating, and Catra places her palms on Adora's thighs, running them up and down, slightly teasing under her skirt.

She doesn't know when she pulls Adora onto the bed with her, but when they split apart once more to let out a groan, she looks down to see Adora's thighs straddling her.

_Fuck. About time._

"Are you— ah— are you drunk?" Catra whispers out.

"No."

Catra raises an eyebrow.

"I swear, I'm not."

"Good." Catra gives Adora a lustful grin before kissing her deeply again, her moans silenced as Adora grips her forearm tightly.

_The jacket. Shit._

Catra's breath hitches again, and she pulls away from Adora, slightly hesitant to look her in the eyes.

"Take it off."

Adora blinks, and her face burns crimson. "Wha?"

"The jacket, the suit, all of it. Please." Catra can't look Adora in the eyes anymore, a mixture of shame and lust coursing through her system. She blinks back tears. _"Please, Adora."_

"O-Oh." The blonde bites her lip. "Are you— Are you sure?"

"Yes! Please, just— take it all off, I can't..."

Adora listens no further and she slowly strips Catra, watching intently as she pulls her clothes undone. Catra throws her head back and lets out a sigh of relief as the cold air of their room hits her bare skin, and the noise sends heat coiling in the pit of Adora's stomach. She discards the suit onto the floor, hopefully remembering to not step on it the next morning.

She just prays she's not reading Catra wrong right now.

"You look good with that dress on, princess," Catra purrs, playing with the hem of her bra. "But I think it's time for it to go, hm?"

God, her own words send an exhilarating wave of heat down her own spine.

Tired of playing coy, Adora grins as she unzips her dress, letting it fall gracefully down her shoulders, and holy fuck _she's not wearing a bra—_

Catra gulps as she watches Adora discard the dress as well before climbing onto her, a smile grin spread on her features. "Do I look better like this, hm?"

Catra's throat runs dry and her entire body burns up, because _holy shit she's been waiting for this moment for so long._

When Catra doesn't respond, Adora slightly frowns and backs away. "Ah, sorry. I'm probably overdoing this, um... Is this... is this okay with you?"

"Fuck, Adora." Catra runs a hand up Adora's thigh and dips a finger underneath her underwear's waistline. "You look amazing like this. I've been waiting to have you like this for so long."

Adora sighs and she leans back in, running kisses down Catra's neck, unhooking her bra.

The feline groans at the sensation of her bra being removed and she gently palms Adora, locating the source of the heat—

" _Ah_ — wait." Adora sits back up and holds her hand out, Catra watching intently. Her sword forms in her hand.

Catra blinks.

"Hold on, I um..." Adora bites her lip. "If we're um... gonna... yknow, do this I uh— had an idea. I know this is like, the first time we're really doing this but uh— I really wanted to try this out."

Adora quickly takes off her underwear and before Catra can even say anything, her sword disappears, leaving something else behind instead.

Catra looks down at the new foreign entity between Adora's legs and she flushes red. She desperately looks back up at Adora for some form of answer.

"I—" Adora squeaks. "I wanted the both us to be able to like— you know, feel at the same time. N-Not saying that we can't feel without it, and if you're not comfortable with this that's completely fine, but I wanted you to feel the same I can—"

"Hold on," Catra interjects. _Feel?_ "So you can feel this?"

She grabbed the length and slowly stroked it up and down, and Adora shudders, letting out a groan.

_"Y-Yeah."_

Catra's eyes light up. "Oh, this is gonna be a lot of fun."

"Fun? So, you're okay with this?" Adora asks when Catra lets go of her grip.

"Okay with it?"

Catra leans upwards and grasps Adora's hair, emitting a moan from her.

"Adora, fuck me right now."

Adora doesn't wait any longer before she pulls off Catra's underwear, gently spreading the feline's legs. She runs two digits up and down Catra's slick to prepare her for the length. Catra bites her lip in anticipation and clutches the bedsheets.

"Tell me if it's too much, okay?" Adora asks, aligning herself with Catra's entrance. The feline lets out a breathless whine. _This is finally happening._

Adora gently guides the head inside, groaning as she prepares herself to guide the rest of the girth in. Catra bites her lip and she listens to the music blasting in the background from the ball downstairs, all too overwhelmed with different emotions. Eventually, Adora bottoms out, letting out a grunt as she lets Catra adjust to the stretch.

"You feel so good," She gasps, gripping onto the sheets to help keep her steady. Soon, Catra signals to Adora that she's ready, and the blonde starts to gently thrust.

"We've barely— _ah_ — started," Catra sighs out, and Adora starts off with a long and deep rhythm. She tangles a leg around Adora's back and she covers her mouth, _because this feels so good—_

"More," she murmurs into her palm, too exhilarated from the moment, and Adora obliges. She begins to pick up her pace, groaning as her hips strain, watching herself as she sinks deep into Catra over and over. Their skin starts to slap together with an audible noise with each thrust, _and god, there's so much to look at—_

"Yes," Catra gasps. "Fuck, _yes_ , Adora—" 

She chokes as Adora changes the angle by the slightest, hitting even deeper into her core— _fuck._

"You're such— ah— a tight fit," Adora gets out between moans. "I love it."

"More, Adora," Catra sighs. "Hard— _fuck_ , harder, faster, I don't care, just more—ah, _please_."

"You're— _begging_ ," Adora teases, but Catra is too heated to even care, and god—

Adora props up Catra's legs for even more access, and she finds the perfect spot to set Catra's body aflame, making Catra sob out, _yes, yes—_

"Right there, Adora," she keens, her voice raising a pitch. "Right there, more—"

The blonde feels her release begin to pent up and she knows she's close all too soon, and her thrusts start to turn sloppy, but she doesn't move, nevertheless. Catra treats her to a chorus of whimpers, and she begins to follow the movement of Adora's thrusts, starting to chase that feeling and—

Shit.

She's close.

It feels as if everything around Catra shatters, and tears start to prick her eyes, realizing that this is the first time _she's felt stimulation in a year, and—_

"Adora," she cries. "Please don't stop, don't stop, I'm so close, I'm so—"

Her eyes burn and she covers them, tears streaming down the sides of her face because she's overwhelmed, and she doesn't know how to feel, because fuck, she's gonna—

"I'm gonna come," she sobs. "Please don't stop, Adora. I'm gonna— fuck, _Adora_!"

The feline throws her her back and lets out a long wail, a crescent of pleasure wracking her whole body. Adora slows her thrusts down and comes shortly after, her entire body shaking as she groans into Catra's ear. She gently guides Catra through their aftershocks, in a state of bliss.

After a moment, Adora pulls out of Catra, and the girth disappears, letting her collapse onto the bed beside her lover. Her skin is tainted with sweat, and she pants, absolutely sated. She glances at her girlfriend, and quickly realizes she's crying.

"Fuck, Catra, are you okay? I'm sorry, I—"

"Thank you, Adora."

The blonde is stunned, and Catra lets out a watery giggle, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"That was— thank you. For— making me feel."

Catra pulls in her girlfriend for a soft kiss.

"You're sweaty," Catra murmurs. "And you smell like sex."

Adora finally laughs, her speechlessness disappearing. "You do _too_." Catra smiles to herself and turns to face the ceiling.

"A good first time, hm?" Adora asks. Catra rolls her eyes. "Dummy."

And for a moment, Adora considers asking for another round, but she keeps her mouth shut and smiles instead. She knows how important this was for Catra.

"Also," Catra chirps up. "My legs feel like they're on fucking fire. Thanks for that, too."

"Hey, I did what you asked me to!" Adora yelps. "You were the one asking for it to be harder or whatever, it's not my fault if you can't walk! Actually..."

"Gotcha, dummy," Catra says in a singsong tone as Adora turns bright red. "But seriously, that felt... really good. _Amazing_."

Adora gently smiles before it turns into a devious grin.

"So.... round two?"

"Fuck yourself."

Both girls break into laughter and hold each other close, barely even pulling the covers over themselves before dozing off together.

_They hope they'll remember the clothes on the floor the next morning._


End file.
